One of the trends I’ve been seeing over the past year has been the rise of the #VillainEra. Both online and offline, women on masse have been declaring that they are in their Villain Era. This is often accompanied by a song (Breakfast by Dove Cameron, labour by Paris Paloma and Angry Woman by Ashe are particularly popular) and a dark aesthetic, along with a list explaining why. What, you might ask, does being in your villain era mean?
Well, it means putting yourself first. It means having and maintaining boundaries. It means the days of being a people pleaser are over, and you can and will say “no” now. That really doesn’t sound that much like evil, much less a villain. So what’s going on?
As I will undoubtedly do many more times in my articles, I’m going to quote Andrea Dworkin.
“Grown men are terrified of the wicked witch, internalized in the deepest parts of memory. Women are no less terrified, for we know that not to be passive, innocent, and helpless is to be actively evil.”
When women are choosing to not put other people before themselves and to uphold boundaries and demand better treatment, they perceive themselves as doing something wicked, evil. It’s just that now women are beginning to embrace it. Fine, we say. If doing these things, if demonstrating self-respect makes me evil, then I’m evil. I don’t care if you call me that because I’m calling myself that first.
I love and hate this movement. I love it because I wholeheartedly support women rejecting these patriarchal norms of how women are supposed to behave, how we are supposed to be endlessly self-sacrificing and giving and whatever other people need of us. I love that it is portrayed, at least by women, as a positive and progressive thing. I hate what it is called because women are not evil for having self-respect and saying no.
Of course, like any other vaguely feminist trend or movement, society (and especially men, but also the women doing it) must water it down. Yes, women are saying they are in their villain era, but it’s not actually evil and angry women, we promise! Even in the Wikihow article “Villain Era Meaning: What Is It, and How to Embrace It” men still feel the need to remind women to “be kind and compassionate, not an actual villain,” and “even as you start asserting your boundaries, saying no, and giving up people-pleasing, doing so with kindness and compassion helps others to see your perspective and understand your needs”. No matter what, we cannot escape men on masse telling women we must #BeKind. The Cleveland clinic reassures the audience that “it doesn’t exactly give you a hall pass to exact revenge on anyone”.
I find one of the biggest soothers than feminists tell men is that we want equality, not revenge, and that feminism helps everybody, not just women. We negotiate with men to try to convince them that feminism is not a threat, so do not hate us. This taps into several rules of misogyny. #2, women saying no to men is a hate crime. #3, women speaking for themselves are exclusionary and selfish. It tries to stave off #4, that women’s opinions are violence against men, thus male violence against women is justified. Finally, the worst offender, #5: women and feminism must be useful to men, or they are worthless. We are saying no to you, but we promise it’s harmless. Our opinions are not threatening, so please don’t hurt us for saying them. Feminism actually helps men too, so it’s worth something!
But we know we are breaking these rules. And we know that we are evil for doing so. Being a woman, and especially being a liberal feminist, means endless negotiation with men. The most vulnerable demographic to this is young women, who are still fresh from the “aversion therapy that passes for being brought up female” and brainwashed to be desperate for male approval.
That being said, I like where this is going. I like any trend or movement that encourages women to put themselves first and to say no. A more recent trend, microfeminism, encourages women to engage in small acts of defiance against the patriarchy. Address mixed-sex group as girlies. Don’t yield for men on the sidewalk. When men interrupt you, interrupt them back. When referring to objects or animals of unknown gender, call them she or her.
In a culture where radical feminism is so unpopular, and feminist action against sexist systems (like, say, pornography or prostitution) is considered at best passé and at worst itself sexist, making small aspects of feminism popular to everyday women is a win.
I would argue that there is another aspect to the popularity of being a villain. Villains, by their nature, have power. They are angry and vengeful and make an impact on the world, albeit usually a negative one. Most women feel ashamed for being ambitious, for wanting power, even just over themselves and their own bodies. Calling yourself a villain gives you a feeling, just a modicum, of that power. You give yourself permission in a socially acceptable way to be associated with power.
To women in their villain era: You’re not evil for not being a people pleaser, or for having boundaries, or for saying no. You have a complete right to all of those actions. You are doing a positive thing by spreading the word and making it less taboo for other women to do so.
Feel like I’m saying something you always thought? Feel like I’ve made a breakthrough? Feel like I’m totally wrong? Tell me in the comments.